we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
