I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
