I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
