I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I FOUND THE LEGS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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