I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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