I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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