Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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