final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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