So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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