Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize