My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
