someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
