i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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