Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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