Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
