We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
