ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
