Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
