Sponge bath it is.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
