ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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