I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.