upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit