The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.