it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
