my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
