if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
