my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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