Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
