carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
