went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You are the jesus of drinking
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
