YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just had sex on a roof
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
