i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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