i think my tv is drunk
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
