The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
