You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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