Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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