we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
