my phone needs a breathalizer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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