I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i think we sleep fucked last night...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
