Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
