just tell him i said nine months
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
