Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
