I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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