It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
