why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
