his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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