Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
