I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
