i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
