I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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