were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I could make wine with my vomit
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
