More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
