Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
