Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
