maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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