Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
