Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
